Growing up I hated the way I looked. I wore huge bifocals and my eyes were not straight, and you can probably imagine the teasing and bullying that I endured.
I had zero confidence and started to believe that I was ugly and different. I never felt like I was enough and walked around with a shattered spirit. My heart breaks for that sweet girl who felt so much pain at such a young age. Then in 3rd grade I had surgery on my eyes and the glasses came off!
I was so excited to finally be noticed by boys and liked by the crowd, but the teasing never stopped. I was still picked on because I didn’t wear the latest fashion to school or because my mom never let me out of the house (yes I had an overprotective mommy). I wanted so badly to fit in but I just never did. So quite naturally when I did receive any attention from boys, I would melt!
I loved being noticed. That’s really all I wanted. This continued in high school, however my freshman year of high school was also one of my worst.
I had some pretty tough things going on at home and I was almost sexually assaulted by someone that I loved and trusted. I was carrying around so much guilt, pain, and insecurity, that I no longer cared about anything or anyone. It was all about me.
I did whatever I had to do to numb the pain. I took whatever pills I could get a hold of, skipped school, lost friends, and I just hated myself. I wanted to die. But through all of this I ALWAYS felt God tugging at me. I would feel convicted inside me and it would make me want to get my life together.
I always believed in God and growing up I was always in church every Sunday, but I never truly had a relationship with Him.
I would say my prayers at night but that was about it. Fast forward to my senior year of high school and I started dating a guy who was the total opposite of me. He was quiet, gentle, caring, and not into the things that his buddies were into, if you know what I mean. I can even remember some of his friends and some of my “so called friends” telling him that I was no good and that he could do better. He never listened to them. He would always tell me that he saw something different in me.
I got pregnant a month before graduation, and I was so excited to have something to love that would love me right back.
In reality, I was so lost and I was a baby having a baby thinking that it would solve my problems.
My husband and I got married three months after our daughter was born. It was beyond one of the hardest periods in my life. We fought constantly and had no idea what we were doing. I had no clue what it meant to be a wife and he didn’t know how to be a husband. We could not love each other the way we were supposed to because neither of us really knew what love was.
I was lost and broken and my husband was just as broken as I was. He grew up without a father in his life, so he too had issues that had never been dealt with.
I thought another baby would make things better, even though we were already struggling with the one we had. We had our son a year later and things got even worst.
I was ready to leave my marriage. The only way that I can put into words and tell you how we stayed together, is by saying: “It was GOD”.
We started praying together, watched sermons (Joyce Meyer was our favorite), discussed our goals, and grew up!
We fell in love with each other. God pushed us closer and closer to one another.
Today, we have been married for 13 years and words cannot express how awesome my hubby is!!
He is so patient with me, loving, understanding, and the best father to our three kiddos! He seeks God daily and leads me. I am not lying when I say that Jesus is the only reason why our marriage is working!
We gave our marriage over to Him and asked Him to be the foundation. We pray together and build one another up. He is my biggest fan and I am his. I love him more today than I ever have or thought that I could. God has changed me and I am brand new just like His Word says in 2 Corinthians 5:17:
“Therefore if any person is in Christ he is a new creation; the old had passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!”
I have been reborn in Christ! I know now that I am beautiful, not because of my outward appearance, but because I was made in His image. I don’t care about people or their opinions of me any longer. I know who I am and I know whose I am.
Today I am an aspiring content creator and currently working on my fitness journey and hoping to inspire others along the way. I hope that this testimony has blessed you in some way. I hope that you know you are beautiful and that God has placed you here for a reason!
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