I've always said that I trust God. I've always claimed that He is good and He is worthy of my life and my love. But for a long time those were words - not empty, but also never truly challenged.
I am the typical story: grew up in a Christian home, accepted Christ at a young age, grew up knowing Him and His way. I never strayed far and of course life has had its ups and downs; the mountains and the valleys.
I married an incredible man after graduating college and by the time we started trying for kids, we knew that's what we really wanted. My hormones were all over the place and becoming pregnant proved difficult for us, so when we held that positive pregnancy test in our hands it felt like our own little miracle. We went in for an early ultrasound to figure out how far along I was and at that point we were warned that the heartbeat was irregular. We scheduled another ultrasound for two weeks out, and in our minds the only two possibilities were that everything would resolve itself or our baby had a potential heart defect that we would deal with when the time came.
Those two weeks were filled with prayer and joy - and every day as I came to the Word I kept coming back to the phrase "God you are good."
We walked into that next ultrasound on the highest high, not ready for the third scenario we never considered, but that happened: there was no longer growth or a heartbeat - we had lost our baby.
My own heart shattered, and the only thing I could say was that one thing that still rang true in the worst moment of my life: God you are STILL good.
If you are one of the 1 in 4 women who have experienced a miscarriage you probably know how I felt: empty, numb, crushed and in disbelief. But what I also felt in the following hours, weeks, and months was God's strength and presence like I have never felt Him before. I had no strength of my own and for the first time in my life had to truly rely on my Creator to make it through each day.
He is Good because that is who He is.
His goodness does not depend on my circumstances. And His love does not shift with the changing seasons of my life.
He is steady. Constant. Worthy. Healer. My rock. My hope.
We are not promised an easy life, but we are promised that our Father will never leave us. He sent His son so that we could have hope - not just in what happens when we die, but hope for the everyday life in the here and now.
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