February 09, 2021 THE MMA TEAM

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11-13

Have you ever been in a season of life where every second feels like an eternity? Did you think you knew what your life was supposed to look like, but it completely turned upside down in the matter of seconds? When you described your life, was it a before and after of this event? Before the “event”, my life looked like this, and after the “event” my heart felt like this.  In those moments, we feel horrible and have no clue how to start over, how to heal, or how to even understand that love always wins.

That moment for me was when I ended a long-term relationship. I texted my then boyfriend and asked him if he still wanted to marry me. As I looked at my phone with his response, my heart sank. I couldn’t tell you what was before or after the “not necessarily” part of the text, but I knew it was over.

In the months and years that followed, I said many prayers to Jesus and imagined myself talking to him. In my mind, it went something like this: I imagined myself on a hiking trail and in my mind, I would see Jesus walking by on the smooth, black, covered pavement. “Jesus, wait for me,” I yelled.  In the moment, he looked back at me and a smile appeared on his face. I then quickly jogged up to him and said, “Jesus, do you have time to talk”?  Jesus replied, “I always have time for you.” I then look at him and said, “Great, let’s walk and talk. I need a minute, well actually, you know how I am, I need a few hours.” He then laughed and said, “I have all the time in the world for you, sweet child.”  

“Why didn’t he want to get married? I needed him,” I said. Jesus stopped walking and turned to me and said, “No, you need me.” “But Jesus,” I said, and then I paused and said nothing else. Jesus began to walk, and I quickly follow behind. I then mustered up the courage to ask Jesus, “Why did you take him away?” Jesus looked at me and said, “his response of “not necessarily” isn’t a good enough for you or any of my children.” “Now what am I going to do?” I asked. Jesus replied, “Live out your purpose.” And with that, I was satisfied.

It’s been a few years since my breakup, and I can say that I am so grateful it happened. What I learned from that experience is to trust Jesus, even in the most challenging times, to find my worth in him and not in any relationship. Even in our deepest sorrows, he is with us, and the hardest moments of our lives, become the moments we realize we are destined for more.

Your before or after event might be different than mine, and that’s okay, just know that love always wins because JESUS IS LOVE! 

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