welcome-to-the-mma-blog-spot

A Cat Called Void

February 09, 2022 THE MMA TEAM


My whole life I have always felt lost.

My parents split up when I was a baby and  I didn’t know my Dad.  My Step Dad was very abusive to my Mum. We ran away a couple of times but he always found us.

I’m not saying this for sympathy, but the back story is relevant.

My young mind ranted and at 16 I left home to start the process of filling the void.  I moved in with a man, who I thought loved me, but he didn’t. He couldn’t fill the hole in my life.

After 4 years I cheated and he beat me up. I lost the whole use of one ear and the cycle continued.

To fill the void I met someone else.  I thought he loved me but he didn’t and we broke up, and I drank and took drugs.

The void still laughed at me.

I met another man who I thought loved me but he didn’t.  

This time we had a baby together and then he left. I coped and loved.

I met another man who I thought loved me but m he didn’t.  We had a baby and he cheated.

I coped and loved my 2 children. 

I met another man who I thought loved me but he he didn’t. We had a baby.

He hurt me, he scared me and I carried so much shame for years.

I loved my three children but felt lost and unlovable.

I dipped in and out of Church.

At 30 I got baptised, but I always had a plan B in case I wasn’t accepted by the ‘Big Man’.

I started to “cope” with life by turning any outward pain, inwards on myself.  The self harming behaviours turned my life upside down.

I cried ALOT and bought a cat whom I  called Void (yes really).

Life went on and my goodness things continued to happen until one day I threw my hands up and cried “that’s it, I’m done, I give up, I surrender” and a voice replied “finally”.

From that day amazing things started to happen, I found Him. He loves me (He really does). He forgave and comforted me.

My life became peaceful, contented, manageable, I realised my worth. It  turns out I am enough. My three gifts from God are a credit to me. I have no shame.

I can’t explain why it took me so long or why He didn’t show Himself sooner? Maybe I was too stubborn to listen (deffo was) but once I did, I felt and continue to feel whole & enough.

Just be brave enough to hand it over.....allow Him in......once you do, BOOM, problems solved, by the Grace of God......solved.

 Amen.

You can connect with Bethany on IG

If you enjoyed this post you can read more here 




Leave a comment