November 17, 2020 THE MMA TEAM

I don’t remember being asked this question personally, but I always imagine that someone will ask one day. It’s a fair question.

I think about what my answer would be if someone asked. Quite honestly, I can’t grasp onto a moment or real tangible reason. I can’t say that someone told me this or that. That this extreme event occurred and made me question my existence.

Would you accept my answer that I just simply do? That I can’t not believe in Him?

It’s okay. I wouldn’t accept that answer either. Luckily, I have more to say.

I’ve always believed in God. If I ever didn’t believe or doubted, it probably lasted less than a minute. I grew up a “Christian.” Always in church. So, I learned the stories, learned the “protocol” if you will call it that. Meaning what religious things to do. What children of God should be like.

I always had this innate desire to do the right thing and please God. So, I didn’t curse, didn’t have sex, didn’t drink, didn’t disobey my parents (in an extreme manner. All kids disappoint their parents at some point). Although, I did struggle with addiction. I’ll get more into that another day.

My personal experience with God. I just felt Him. Not all the time. Not very strongly. It was subtle. Always subtle. And I always longed for someone like Him. Just didn’t know it was Him I was looking for.

I didn’t grow up with strict religious parents. However, Christianity itself has this negative connotation of strictness. It gives you this idea that God is looking at you and criticizing you for not being a good girl or boy.

For a long time, even though I did believe in God, I didn’t feel close to Him. I always likened him to that kid in school you wave or nod to in the hallway or maybe even walk with for some time until you get to class. Y’all aren’t close, but cordial. Acquaintances.

It wasn’t until the end of 2017 when that changed. For the most part, God wasn’t interested in me. That was my understanding of Him. How I was so wrong. It took one person to help me to realize that He was a lot more interested in me than anyone else was. He loved me more than anyone else had or even could.

Many people, Christians included, don’t realize that God is more interested in every facet of your life than even you. He cares so much, so deeply. Everything that happens to you affects Him. He is constantly working in your life to bring good things and more importantly to bring you closer to Him.

Understanding that Jesus died and wanted to and not just because He had to, changed my heart toward Him. A heart change toward God is what really changed my relationship with Him.

I mentioned earlier there was no extreme event that made me believe in God. You may be saying this is it?  No, it isn’t. I already believed in God. But there’s a difference in believing in God and knowing Him and having a loving relationship with Him. The demons believe in Jesus. And? Where are they now?

Why is this important to why I believe in God? Because it also explains why I won’t leave Him. Now more than ever I feel Him. I mentioned that earlier, I felt Him all along. But now, because of my really taking time to just simply talk to Him and reading His word, I feel Him intertwined in my life. It’s like we’re one. Which is Jesus’ desire. To be one with us all. And for us to be one with one another.

Say I’m wrong, but I believe we all can feel Him. Whether we believe in Him or not: just consider it for a second.

Imagine for yourself that God is real. Imagine He created a world and people to be in it and live wonderful lives and live happily with Him. Imagine things got messed up along the way. Imagine that He vowed to fix it. Imagine He did by coming down and dying so that no one else had to pay that price. Imagine He would fix everything in the end. Imagine you would live together in a place that never had pain or imperfections. Imagine that people, Christians included, don’t realize that God is more interested in every facet of your life even more than you are.

Imagine this God loving you forever and even now. Wanting to take care of you. Wanting to live life with you showing you where to go. He doesn’t promise you things won’t be hard, but He won’t let you do it alone and will never leave you no matter what things look or feel like in that moment. Just imagine.

You have to choose for yourself to accept that, and I understand you not being sure. But I ask that you give talking to Him a try, and say whatever you want to Him out loud. I truly believe He’ll be happy just that you came to Him at all.

I started off talking to Him (commonly known as prayer). I literally told Him everything. From what foods I didn’t like to times where I felt like He was being unfair. He was and IS my best friend. My closest confidant. I didn’t read tons of chapters or books in the Bible. I still don’t really. Trust me, even after getting closer to God I tried to be super religious. Always going to church three/four times a week, serving, fasting constantly, reading 2-3 chapters of the Bible a day. That was me last year and I can honestly say last year was probably one of the hardest years of my life mentally. I’m not saying those things aren’t good, but I tried to replace a loving relationship with God with works.

See, God doesn’t want to see how much you can do. He’s not a drill sergeant. The reason I was so miserable is because I felt like I wasn’t good enough, I felt like I wasn’t godly enough, I felt like I was just bad. I hated myself. I’m still getting over it and honestly, It’s been tough!

My mind wants to say, “be better! Do better! Live better!” But God is just saying, “Walk with me. Breathe. Talk to me.”

Know this about God, if you talk to Him, He is listening. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done and where you’ve been. I know it’s corny and cliche but so what? Doesn’t make it any less true. You don’t need to be “somebody” (whatever that means) in order to talk to God. People can pray for you all day long, but you have to talk to Him yourself. Don’t be afraid to take the risk. There’s a really great reward behind that risk.

So why do I believe in God? Because my inner being longs for Him. And I can feel Him. I can feel His longing for me and my heart. I can feel Him saying He’s here. I can feel His protection. I feel His peace. I feel His wisdom. I feel His love. And now that I really have spent time with Him, I’m attached. And I don’t want to let Him go.

Imagine that for yourself.







  • Ruth Thompson

    Nov 18, 2020

    This is so wonderful and true. I love your knowledge of GOD and love you!

  • Tk Griffin

    Nov 17, 2020

    Sooo proud of my baby girl! 🥰

  • Deborah Lee-Drake

    Nov 17, 2020

    I love how you have grown so much in the Lord. Continue to allow God to use you and continue to do his work. I am so glad you are my beautiful daughter. Love you.

Leave a comment