Faith has always been a constant part of my life since I was a little girl, but I do not think that I ever learned how important it was or how much I needed to rely on it until my divorce.
18 years ago, when I was pregnant with my 2nd child my life fell apart. My little life married to my high school sweetheart with a two-year old daughter and a baby boy on the way was viewed by many as “perfect”, but what people saw on the outside was not what existed in our world.
Many were caught by surprise and many were devastated by the news that our marriage was unraveling. But I think I was the most devastated. There were so many dreams shattered and promises broken. I thought my life was over!
My brokenness took me down and all I wanted to do was hide. I wanted to cover myself in my sadness, disappointment and defeat.
I was reaching for whatever I could to keep me afloat, but I was sinking fast into a world of despair. My life seemed to be spiraling out of control and I felt that I had nowhere to turn. So, I did what I only knew to do: I cried out to Jesus. I asked Him for help because I knew that I could not do this alone.
I began listening to alot of music during this time. Jeremy Camp and Mercy Me were on repeat.
The first time I heard God and realized that He was with me, was when I heard Jeremy Camp’s song “Walk by Faith”.
“ Well, I will walk by faith
Well, even when I cannot see
Well, because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me.”
Corinthians 5:7 , “For we walk by faith, not by sight” became what I relied on.
I could not see beyond the moment in front of me for many months but I began to rely on my faith. I began to walk by faith, and even though I was broken, I knew and trusted that God was there.
He carried me in my weakness.
He guided me in my despair.
He shielded me in my hurt.
He comforted me in my disappointments.
He kept me company in my loneliness.
He did not leave me.
He became my friend as my conversations with Him became constant and my trust in Him became strong.
I walked by faith.
I did not know where I was going, but He did.
I didn't always know what to do, but He did.
I did not always know if I would be able to keep going, but He did.
I put my belief and trust in Him and through Him, I survived.
My faith and trust grew. It prepared me for all the other challenges that have been thrown in my life since then.
During that time, God didn’t answer all my prayers. My marriage did not survive and I became a single mother with two small children who had to learn to navigate through parenthood, shared custody, and life in general. But my walk with God grew and grew.
I trusted Him and His work within me to allow me to be stronger and more confident.
This walk with God and the trust that I developed created the person I am today.
Life is not easy. There are always challenges along the way, mountains to climb and valleys we must walk through, but I have learned that you don’t have to do it alone. Reach out to God and trust that He has a plan for your life. Even though we don’t know what lies ahead, He does!
Walk by Faith even when you cannot see.
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