Call me a wallflower. A natural observer. Never the girl center-stage with all eyes on her. Not a chance. Glued to the railing, desk, or whatever fixture was available to keep me from the majority—that’s where you would find me in my childhood, where everything was as it should be.
Naturally, you can imagine the response a wallflower has when trouble erupts and life gets messy. Wallflowers retract. Already timid, I found more ways to blend into my surroundings.
During the stages a girl typically learns she should be a delight, wanted and seen, insecurity ran amuck within me. I figured I was a problem better left in the shadows.
God seemed to agree with my limited understanding. Oh, I was a card-carrying believer in Jesus, but He was watching over me like a chaperone at the prom. Somehow, I latched onto believing God loved me and cared for me from afar, like the song “Jesus Loves the Little Children.”
Yes, I believed God loved me along with all the other children of the world and as a member of humanity, but not specifically. He didn’t love me as a person with quirky favourites like tater tots and cinnamon candy.
It’s as if He invited me along with all the girls in my class to the prom. The God of the universe wanted me to be there for the big event, but didn’t care about my dress or if anyone ever asked me to dance. I could fade into the themed decorations, unnoticed. Maybe you can relate.
Could it be you feel as if no one really knows you? Is there a pervading sense people are not really with you? Well, Sister, you are in good company. Many of us feel alone, as if the bulk of our relationships are meaningless. Add some misguided theological underpinnings, all the insecurities through adolescence, and you’ve got the makings of a bona fide wallflower. The good news is, even though you feel like a wallflower, you do not need to remain one.
Begin with this prayer.
“God, help me understand why I feel so alone and isolated. Help me trust You will be faithful to strengthen me and hold me until I no longer feel invisible”.
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