From being someone who grew up in church my entire life, by the time I was 18 and allowed to do whatever I wanted, I didn’t want to go to church because it wasn’t “fun” and it wasn’t “cool” to me. Life had its way of leading me right back to where I needed to be, which was the church. I had to learn the difference between religion and relationship to completely understand the purpose and value of fellowship, praise and worship. I went years without going to church because I felt like I didn’t need to because I was putting my life in my hands. Everything was under my control, I was doing things my way to get the results that I wanted and it worked, for just a while. Then I encountered the enemy. Everything that I worked so hard for was stripped away and I couldn’t understand why. I thought I was a good person, I thought I was doing everything right, why would God let this happen to me? But it was when I was at my lowest point when I didn’t know what to do, I made the decision to really figure out who God is and to build a relationship with him, a solid one at that, because being in the pits was NOT an option.
Of course when you make bold decisions like that, the enemy attacks and tries to make you feel like doing it God’s way is wrong and you’re crazy. My finances got attacked, my health declined, I lost friends, relationships, fell into depression, developed anxiety and started doing things that weren’t me in a hope to just make it all go away.
For my entire life, I ran from getting baptized, I ran from wanting to be in leadership because I knew I wasn’t perfect and I wanted to be in a place where I felt like God would be proud of me before I could live my life for him. The funny thing is, it wasn’t until I was completely broken that God showed me what my life could be if I just gave it all to him because all I had left was him. I am so happy to share that on December 29th, 2019, the last Sunday of the decade I finally decided to get baptized and let my past go.
All the hurt and shame that I endured no longer mattered. I decided to no longer lean on my own understanding but stand firm on the promises of God which are yes and amen. I found a church that is perfect for me at this time and it’s cool, it’s fun and most of all, it’s filled with the HOLY SPIRIT which means it is on fire.
At this point in my life, because I KNOW how good God is, my priority is to make God cool again in this culture and show people how amazing life can be when you let God write your story. From the very moment I got baptized, things changed. My anxiety got better, I’m happier and I have complete confidence that God will continue to use me to change the lives of people who have walked a journey similar to mine and bring them into the kingdom where unconditional love exists.
We’re not slaves to fear because fear is not from God. So push forward and allow yourself to really give God a chance because if you take one step towards him, he’ll take at least 10 to you just to show you how much he loves you and the plans he has for you.
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