Leaving the Fear Controlled Chapter of My Life Behind.

I have always been a christian. I remember moments of my childhood when I prayed for hours and felt the presence of God so strongly.

However, in my adult life, I slipped into the darkness and crippling effects of fear.  I still prayed and I still knew who my Savior was, but the way I was living kept a cage around my faith.  I didn’t allow the enemy to reduce my faith, but I did allow him to prevent its growth.  

In 2018, I left a life that was controlled by fear.  I had lived in a way that gave fear the reigns and dictated almost every choice I made.  

I consider myself to be a type-A personality.  Lists, check marks, planners and schedules; I’m a need-to-be-prepared type of girl.  Being prepared equates to less anxiety.

Ironically, when I left the fear-controlled chapter of my life, I was not prepared, not in a worldly definition of prepared, anyway.  

On paper it was risky. I didn’t have a plan or a job, but with Jesus, there was zero risk.

The minute I left that life behind me, the Holy-Spirit overwhelmed my soul with peace.

I remember so vividly in that moment the feeling that I was no longer in control, but God was.  I felt a push from Him to surrender my need for control, so I did. And the resulting freedom changed my life.  
KI call this chapter of my life “conquering fears,” and I’m still in it.  

I grew from someone who was scared of teaching, scared of failing and scared of hurting, to someone who is entering her third year of teaching,  accepting that failure is often part of succeeding, and finding hope from God through  the hurt.  The Lord has seen me through it all.

He held my hand and whispered truths when the enemy tried to assert his lies.  Vulnerability hasn’t ever been my greatest strength, but in this conquering fears chapter, I have learned to face that fear, too.  In my most vulnerable moments, the Lord gave me a lasting comfort.

I would have quiet moments in His word and even with a broken heart, God showed me that vulnerability is a strength.  Vulnerability is what opened my eyes and opened my heart.  Vulnerability requires humility, but when you’re humble, you invite God to come closer.  When you’re humble, God works.

I was truly living in fear until I put ALL of my faith in God.  I didn’t just take everything God had shown me and file it away, I put it to work.  

I realized that I was slowly able to put myself out there on social media. I would have never done that before.  I was too caught up in hiding behind fear.  The more vulnerable that I allowed myself to be, the more I saw that people needed what I had to offer.

God is and was using me to be a light in this world.  Now, (most days) I focus on what God is calling me to do rather than focusing on my fears (which is a tactic of the enemy, by the way).

If you are allowing fear to hold you back, look in the mirror and remind yourself that God says you are chosen.  Everything that you are, everything that you have to offer, and everything that you will be is a part of God’s plan for your life.  Stop focusing on the fear and start focusing on what God has called you to do. 

You can connect with Leah on IG 

If you enjoyed Leah’s post you can read more here 

Purchase your HOPE TEE and support the work of FEED THE HUNGRY and A21 here