It wasn’t God, it was me

May 21, 2022 THE MMA TEAM

 There used to be a time I didn’t know the value of the gifts God had placed in my belly and it caused me to run from His call on my life.

I was fearful and afraid of how people would see and receive me. In fact, it wasn’t until a few years ago I came out of agreement with fear concerning who I am.

If I can be honest, overcoming fear is a daily process we all have to fight. Yet, I realized if God could trust me then I can trust Him with me. So, I gave myself over to Him, humbly submitting my life into His hands.

In 2014, I was tired, spiritually broken, in debt and struggling because I was fearful of giving God my yes. Sure, I was in church, had the act of religion memorized and wore it well, but I didn’t have a relationship with God. I could recite scriptures, speak well before an audience, pray, and attend worship religiously, but I was bound, stuck, and prolonging my destiny.

I came to understand all I was going through wasn’t God, it was me.

I was the one who was consistently shaking with sin. I was the one who was ignoring God. I was the one who didn’t believe in me. I was the one who said I trusted God with my mouth, but not my heart.

I blamed God for my situations when it was my sin and stubbornness. It wasn’t God, it was me. Until one day, I gave God my yes. It was a low, somber, tear-filled bellow from my belly yes and I meant it. It didn’t mean my struggle ended immediately, but I was able to see clearer for the first time in a while.

I accepted God’s call, started walking in my purpose and accepted who I am. See, it was God who crafted the goodness you see in me and I’m no longer apologizing or explaining my anointing to people who can’t see it or appreciate it.

It took me a while, but I finally started believing in me and now, I boldly walk and work with God’s authority. I am whose I am, and I call myself blessed, anointed, and appointed for this. Has it been easy? No, yet it’s worth it.

I share this for somebody who finds themselves in the same place. A place of fear, darkness, self-doubt, and uncertainty about your purpose.

I had no idea what saying yes to God meant, but I knew it was time I stopped running, being fearful, out of fellowship with God and in opposition with His will for my life. I didn’t know what came after the yes, but I’d hoped it would be far better than what was before. It was and continues to be.

Yes, there are still struggles and moments when fear tries to slip in, yet I deal with it better than I did before because I have God on my side now.

God who’s willing to fight for me. God, who has prepared me to handle the sufferings of this world. God, who is a man who cannot lie. God, who does what He says because it’s His reputation on the line. God, who knew me before I was formed in my mother’s womb. God, who chose me like I was, able to forgive and willing to repair what was broken, even if I was the one who broke it.

Therefore, I no longer look at my circumstances already defeated. I trust that whatever God allows,  He also has a plan for. So to you reading this, trust God.

I don’t know what you’re going through or have gone through, but trust God. I don’t know what God is calling you to do, what He’s setting you apart to accomplish or the gifts He’s placed in your belly, but trust that God knows you.

The mistakes you’ve made, where you come from, what you look like or the many times you’ve failed do not matter. Trust that God knows you, still loves you and has work for you to do.

One of my favorite scriptures is Luke 1:45, And blessed is she that believed: for there shall be a performance of those things which were told her from the Lord. This scripture doesn’t say we’re blessed when God performs, but we are blessed when we believe that what God tells us shall happen.

What has God told you?  Are you willing to believe it will happen even if your current circumstances say differently?

You can connect with Pastor Kisha on: IG her website and ministry 

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