Music. It’s the universal language of the world and nature’s symphony. God wove it into the very fabric of creation from the beginning and I believe that’s why we connect with it on such a deep level.
Words we could never say out loud become anthems we can share when put in sync and rhythm to music.
As a professional musician, music has been my heart and soul for as long as I can remember. I started learning the piano at six, and it only grew from there. It’s not what I set out to do, but I honestly can’t imagine doing anything else.
Writing and journaling is another passion. God has gifted me with the ability to speak with my fingers, when my mouth cannot. Therefore, as a musician and a writer, music speaks to me on different levels.
There was a time in my life where I struggled with many dark things. At the same time God was calling me to perform music and reach people in that deep way. I was fighting to stay close to Him when it felt like everything was trying to drag me away. Those were some hard times.
Fast forward to 2020, my journey towards full freedom had finally begun right when the world was turned upside down and everything I thought I knew was stripped away.
I still had God, my family, music, and writing, but everything else was now a big mushy pile of unknowns.
My siblings and I threw ourselves into online streaming and all things music to be there and available for people who were really hurting and scared. We burnt ourselves out a few times, but we learned some important lessons.
I was continuing my personal health journey and learning more about the areas of my life that I needed to let God into.
Two completely unexpected and devastating betrayals forced me to address my emotional and mental health, and how I was trying to escape in seemingly ‘good things’ instead of turning to Jesus first and foremost.
Between Christmas and New Year’s Eve I experienced my first state of true depression, which was dark, ugly, and suffocating. But God pulled me through.
2021 was a long year of walking the road of forgiveness and coming to a deeper understanding of what real freedom looks like in Jesus.
I fell in love with worship music and began fully pursuing my dreams and what God was calling me to, realizing that everything in my life should and can be an act of worship to my Abba.
In August, my twin sister and I took our mom to Glacier National Park and Yellowstone National Park. Exploring God’s creation was and is my favorite form of worship besides music. Put the two together, and you got yourself a perfect recipe for the Spirit to move. While we were gone though, my dad got covid and double pneumonia. We didn’t know it at the time, but found out a week later when Momma took him to the ER.
During that season, there were moments when a complete calmness would wash over me that I couldn’t explain. But then there were also times that I escaped in my work until I cracked under the pressure and would cry so hard that my screams had no sound.
Worship music kept me grounded. It would remind me of who was in control and bring comfort at just the right times.
My siblings and I were doing life together on our own and touring as a band without the steadiness of our parents. Momma encouraged us to find a church to plug into, and God led us to North Star Church. Their worship service wasn’t quite what I was used to, but I felt the Spirit working in me like never before.
Jumping a few months to January 2022, I was feeling more comfortable in my worship and starting to open up, but God had a few cards up His sleeve to get me to where I needed to be.
I felt led to write up everything that I’d done or that had been done to me that I was still carrying. When I finished, it was 3,300 words. 33… The age Jesus died on the cross to cover all my sins and all those things that had happened to me. It had all been crucified on the cross with Him. Then He rose again, giving me His freedom and eternal life.
I remember the tears silently spilling down my cheeks. It was so surreal. I could practically feel God next to me, opening my eyes to finally see this truth–His truth. That moment and Chris Tomlin’s song, “Living Hope”, shattered the last chains that were holding me hostage in my mind. I felt a new sense of spiritual awareness that’s hard to explain. That was card number one.
God speaks to us in different ways and for me consistently, it’s been through music.
My siblings and I and a couple friends from church went to see We The Kingdom, our favorite Christian artist that we discovered in 2020/2021, here in Knoxville.
At the concert, I was not expecting to feel the Spirit so powerfully. I entered full worship mode and wasn’t aware of much else. I felt myself open up completely to the worship and just being in God’s presence.
Every thought and every worry just faded away, drowned out by the pure joy and gratitude I felt towards my Abba.
God has also shown me that rest is a form of worship, and burning out so many times in the past few years has taught me of its importance.
My student pastor, Curt, gave my twin sister and I the book, “The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry”, by John Mark Comer. It completely changed the way I approach rest, and has changed my life for the better. I highly recommend you read or listen to it.
Now, I have three top ways to worship that have saved and changed my life: music, nature, and rest.
Every morning, I try to get 15-30 minutes of doing absolutely nothing, just sitting outside in the quiet with my Abba. Every week, my family and I schedule an entire day of what we cal Shabbat, complete rest. We simply stop the hustle and bustle and delight in God.
Doing this has drastically changed our lives.
I’ll leave you with this, my friend. The healing journey is long and messy. There will be scars, but they won’t hurt as much. They remind us of how far we have come and how we’ve grown and healed.
God wants us to find Him in worship, in HIS creation. and in the quietness. His Word says in Jeremiah 29:13, “You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.”
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