Mid third year of college, I spent three days pondering “What’s next?” at a Christian conference for young adults. Hundreds of people gathered together in the name of Jesus to learn and worship together is immensely powerful. This conference was no exception. By the end of the weekend I was pumped full of energy and fully invigorated. All that was left was the final session, time to wrap things up before we headed our separate ways.
To bring the session to a close, the leader asked us all to close our eyes and bow our heads in silent conversation with God. Hundreds of people, sitting together, with instrumental worship music as our soundtrack, ready to take a few minutes to openour hearts and converse with God. As I sat with my eyes closed, I heard the words “He is NOT the one for you.” These words were clear and audible in my mind, as if they had been spoken aloud by my best friend sitting next to me.
At this time I was three years into a rather dysfunctional relationship. My twenty year old self did not see the dysfunction; I was young and in love. I was fully committed and had plans to make this man my husband. The words “He is NOT the one for you” continued to thunder in my mind. I began to sob uncontrollably sitting amongst my peers, all of us in our own individual conversation with God. I sobbed thinking, “What? Why? I have already committed my heart to this man.” The message never changed. I sobbed, heartbroken by what God was telling me. As we exited the conference room, my best friend asked if I wanted to put some words to my tears. Overtaken by emotion, I lied and said I had no idea, it just happened. I left the conference in a state of shock, not knowing what I was going to do next.
I wish I could say I listened to God’s whisper on that day. I wish I had placed my trust in the message He was sending me. Instead, I followed my own path. I continued a dysfunctional relationship that turned into an emotionally abusive and uncomfortable marriage, a marriage that finally ended with infidelity, leaving me alone with a small child and a million broken pieces to my shattered heart. But our God is so merciful. Jesus does not turn his back on us when we make mistakes; He follows along waiting to carry us when we fall. Jesus picked up my broken pieces and carried me as I worked through the heartbreak and found a new path for my life. I am forever grateful for our loving God. I ignored His whisper and He still brought me back from destruction. He carried me until I was strong enough to walk alone. He led me to a new beginning.
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