Finding My Father

November 22, 2023 THE MMA TEAM

2016 changed my life.

Our New Year began with the discovery that we were expecting our third child. After struggling with infertility, we enthusiastically celebrated the miracle of this pregnancy. But within weeks, our joy turned to sorrow and I suffered two traumatic miscarriages less than 5 months apart. I was shattered. Being present for my husband and caring for our two young boys, and even getting up each morning, was a monumental challenge. Living felt pointless.

Having lost my mother when I was 17 and floundering in a sea of grief, I longed to see my father with arms outstretched. To hear him say “Come here, Baby Girl. I’ve got you.” To feel the strength and comfort of his embrace. To know the fierce protectiveness of a Daddy’s love for his daughter.

The reality? I knew he loved me, but my relationship with my father was distant. His response to my losses was indifferent and dismissive, only further wounding my battered heart.

My grief weighed heavy. I was so angry! 

Yet even in my anger I never doubted the existence of God, only His goodness. I felt abandoned by Him, empty and bereft of hope. I stopped trying to find comfort in His Word or pray, except to ask “why?” and to vent my fury at His silence.

But thank God for His faithfulness! He is near the broken-hearted and in His love and grace He tenderly draws us close. He met me in my pain and revealed Himself in a new way.

When I finally reached my lowest point, desperately searching for answers and renewed hope, I opened my Bible again.

I discovered that in my grief, I’d lost the fear of the Lord.  I’d lost the awe and reverence for Who He is. In my anger, I had demanded that the One Who holds the Universe in His hands, answer to me.

Upon recognising this, I was deeply humbled and left strangely quieted, and It’s from this quiet place, that the Good Shepherd began to restore my soul.

Leading me to Matthew 5:4 – a passage I’d memorized and read dozens of times now seemed to leap off the page.Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Comforted. The original Greek word for “comforted” used here is the word parakaleo. It means to call near, invite; to implore/call for comfort” (Strongs Concordance G3870).

Revelation exploded with those words and suddenly I could see my Heavenly Father, arms outstretched speaking the very words my heart longed to hear. “Come here, I’ve got you.” My heart was enveloped in perfect Love, my soul cherished. And in that hallowed space, I discovered God as Abba Father.

That moment led me into a deeper relationship with God than I ever dreamt possible. I found the Father I thought I’d never have. Maybe you’re searching for a Father too. God waits for you with arms outstretched. He’ll show you His heart if you only ask. Will you ask Him today?

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