Deeper Valley

The path looked
d i f f e r e n t
when I started
this journey.

It was green and
lush and full of
fruit trees and
the view–stunning!

I noticed, of course, it was
w i n d i n g
in and out, up and
down,
down,
down.

Now all is dry
and brown, no
signs of life or
fruit to mature.

It’s the same path
I a m s u r e.
I did not stray
from the way.

But this is not
what I expected
to find after all
my faithfulness.

I glance quickly
a h e a d
and I see much
of the same.

These tress are
much too tall
for me to see
what lies beyond.

While I don’t
u n d e r s t a n d,
is it up to me now
to figure it out?

No, I have come
this far already
and there is no
turning back now.

He’s brought me
f u r t h e r
than i could have
gone on my own.

Even though I can’t
see what lies ahead,
I choose instead to
trust His faithfulness.

{R E F L E C T I O N S}

I am not disciplined in many spiritual practices. Prayer. Scripture reading. Worship. These have been lacking from my life for some time.

There are a plethora of reasons and none of them are relevant to this post, except to say that lately I have tried improving this about myself, recognizing the need is present and urgent.

I began reading through Proverbs, reflecting on a verse that stands out to me and then writing about it.

It is challenging and I am inconsistent at best, but I enjoy receiving these words and sharing my thoughts as they come to me. This particular poem was written based off of Proverb 20.24 which says:

“A man’s steps are determined by the LORD,
so how can anyone understand his own way.”

Not a single thing in my life looks like I would have imagined it a decade ago, back when I had just moved with my husband and son and pregnant belly to live full-time overseas.

THAT was the dream being fulfilled.

THAT was the path I had set out on.

So as I sit here a couple week shy of moving into a home we purchased in a historic neighborhood in a city I have only called home for a year, and on the soil of my passport country no less, I wrestle with the surrendering.

I have doubted the path–did we stray?

I have doubted the Provider–is He able still?

The answers are no and yes, respectively.

No, I have not strayed. I’m still on the path He chose for me. It’s just a lot deeper of a valley than I would’ve guessed from that mountain view I started out with.

Yes, He is still able to guide through the barren depths, where the sunlight doesn’t reach and the water sources are cracked and dry. He is teaching me to lean on Him and not my own resources.

Truth be told, I am in the “Overcome” phase of the DOER acronym on my shirt pictured here. I’m still overcoming a lot of disappointment and loss and sadness and confusion and regret and shattered dreams.

But I am choosing to believe that this terrain I am working through will soon shift and I trust Him who exceeds all our expectations (Ephesians 3.20).

One day I will Dream again. And Overcome again. AndExceed again. And the process will Repeat again and again for His glory and my good.

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