Crossing the Jordan: from Grief to Glory

July 08, 2023 THE MMA TEAM

 The Wilderness Season

My first pregnancy taught me pure joy. We were so excited. We watched many of our friends fall pregnant quickly and have their children without complications. Now, we were next.

A few short weeks later, we had a miscarriage. Instead of experiencing what everyone else around us had, we experienced pregnancy loss. We lost our baby and all the hopes and dreams that we had for that child.

The miscarriage tested my faith, but ultimately taught me that God is good - always. At first, I wrestled with God. I didn’t understand why I was going through this. Why did He let this happen to me?

I felt disconnected from Him which only added to my grief, and I was disappointed in Him because He didn’t save our baby. But in the midst of my grief, God was nudging me to keep abiding in Him. To run to Him instead of away from Him. So, in my mourning, I dived deep into God’s word and sat with Jesus.

What was revealed to me was this: God never promised us that if we believe in Him, we will never go through hardship, suffering and pain. However, He does promise us that no matter what we go through, He will be with us – to comfort, love, heal and restore us. And even in the darkest storms of our lives, even when what we are going through is anything but good, HE is still good.

God is good even when we don’t get what we want, when we want. Our circumstances do not determine God’s character. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. And what the enemy intends for harm, God can use for our good and for His Glory.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose”- Romans‬ 8:28

A couple of months later, we were pregnant again. This second pregnancy taught me patience. Now being closely monitored by our doctor, we had to do extra tests. Pregnancy after loss is a whole different experience. My anxiety was through the roof each time I had to get a test or scan. Time felt like it was moving so slow but I was learning to be patient; to take it one day – one step – at a time. I was learning to trust God completely and to focus on the present instead of worrying about tomorrow.  We made it further than our first pregnancy, but we didn’t get to meet this baby either.

My second miscarriage taught me what it means to be tethered to hope in Jesus. I learnt that whilst my worst fear (another miscarriage) happened, I can still hope in Christ. I can rejoice while grieving because what Jesus did for us on the cross is reason enough to praise Him every day. This hope and assurance of salvation and eternal life in Heaven gave me peace. I held onto the hope that God will bless us one day with a child here on earth and the assurance that my babies lost during pregnancy are waiting to meet me in Heaven.

Crossing The Jordan

Following a waiting season of unsuccessful attempts to conceive, we finally saw a positive test again - one year and one month after our second miscarriage.

My third pregnancy taught me the faithfulness of God.

In this pregnancy, the Lord led me into breakthrough, across the Jordan. He told me that this pregnancy would be different. He was doing something new. He was healing me from the trauma of our previous miscarriages.

The anxiety of pregnancy after loss was fading day by day until one day, the mountains were removed.

There were so many God moments throughout the whole 9 months, from the morning of the first positive pregnancy test until the night I held my first born in my arms. He showed me how His timing is always  perfect and that He keeps His promises. "Behold I am doing a new thing. Don’t you perceive it?” Isaiah‬ 43:19

Mila Jordyn Nguyen was born on 22 October 2022. My test of faith turned into my testimony.

I’m deeply grateful for how God carried us through the wilderness, across the Jordan and into the Promised Land with our Mila. God refined me through our journey and had it not happened the way it did, I wouldn’t be the person – or Mum – that I am today.

The Promised Land

When the Israelites got to the Promised Land, they still had battles to face in order to take possession of the land that was promised to them. And as I stand in my Promised Land of motherhood, I know there will be battles to face as we raise our child as a daughter of God in this world, and as our hearts desire to give her a sibling.

Reflecting on our journey, I am in awe at how beautiful it has been. It’s not the story I would have written for myself, nor is it one I expected. It’s the one God wrote for me, and it’s even better because in the midst of the heartbreak, pain, loss and grief, I discovered Jesus on a deeper level. He is the true treasure on the journey to the Promised Land.

To really know Him, to experience Him, to sit in His presence and to do life intimately with Him, that’s more precious than anything in this world - even having a child. All glory to God.

His love and comfort are so evident in the little details of our story. I hope that by sharing, I can encourage, support, comfort and build up other women who have walked, or are walking on, similar journeys.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” -

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