“Darkness thought it had her. But it did not know her God. It did not know the story He was giving her to tell.”
From my experience, darkness is just as it sounds. Dark. Lonely. Scary. You become lost and you don’t know where to turn. Until you see a flicker of light. At first it is small like a lightning bug. Then it gets bigger and bigger until the darkness is gone. Just like that. With one turn in it’s direction. You are found.
I gave my life to Christ when I was 9. I was baptized 2 months later. Sounds about right for a kid growing up in a christian home. I thought I had checked all of the boxes. But what I didn't know was that I didn’t even have the list yet. Nothing changed. In fact, they got worse. Everytime I look back on the person I was, I cringe a little bit. Ashamed of the things I said, the people I hung around, or you could say the people I tried to impress. That’s always been a big contender in my head.
Comparison is the number 1 battle I have fought throughout my life.
It took me a while to realize that I was in the darkness. Isn’t it funny how that works? You get so used to the dark, you forget that you are in it. You forget that it is actually hurting you.
I came home from school one day, and that’s when it hit me. I saw the flicker. And as tears filled my eyes I chased after it with all of my might. I saw a way out.
A way to freedom. To get away from the shame. To get away from the guilt. To get away from the hurt.
As I was on my knees crying, I felt it. I didn’t just see it. When you hand the rest of your life over to God, you don’t just say those words. You get a certain feeling. That feeling is a sense of comfort. A sense of rest. The reason for that is because all of the things that I had been ashamed or guilty of that had been a burden to me for so long, were gone in an instant. I finally had relief.
As I said before, all you have to do is turn in the light's direction and all of your worries will be gone in an instant. It sounds so easy, but then why is it so hard? How come it takes so much pain and so much shame, so much guilt, so many things that are toxic in our life to force us to our knees?
In the Bible it talks about how Jesus knew that he had to die on the cross. And when the men came to get him for that very event, he went without a fight. So why do we fight? I don’t mean to come across harsh or anything but have you ever thought about it like this. Are you fighting God? Why does it take so many flickers of light for us to finally make that decision? Why do we try so hard to put the light out each time?
God will never give up on you. He will send as much light as HE needs in order to get you back home. In order for you to allow HIM into your heart.
You see, we are already in HIS heart.
I still struggle at times. There's still things that I don’t understand. I still hurt. I still feel guilty for some things
that I have done in my past. But have you ever heard the word testimony? A lot of people think that your testimony ends once you have that short, little conversation with God and you give your life to HIM. But that’s not it at all. Once that is over, your relationship with HIM starts.
It may be broken at first, but that’s when you have to start putting in the work to fix it. It may take a while, but i’m pretty sure God doesn’t mind the wait if it means that HE gets to see your face everyday in eternity in Heaven.
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